Aragorn's Very Secret Diary
by Astrid Tinuvial
Summary: This is a diary I made up for Aragorn. I love him, but someone has to poke at him in a non-slashy story.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong only to the sub-creator, Tolkien, second only to Eru. Plus I don't care what all you stupid "die-hard" fans out there have to say with your stupid rules and all. I respect Tolkien's work just as much, if not more than you. I doubt very much that any of you: can speak elvish; have read all of Tolkien work including the Hobbit, LOTR, The Unfinished Tales, The Lays of Beleriand, Roverandum, Farmer Ham of Giles, and Smith of Major Wooton; know all of the titles of any characters in the books; know the entire life story of the almighty sub-creator among other things. If you possess any of these abilities, you have my utmost respect. Also, I don't care about your stupid Mary Sue's. Maybe I will write a story where all of the lead characters are female and the guys stay at home and KNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
The Very, Very Secret Diary of Aragorn, Son Arathorn  
  
Day 1 Very upset. I think Arwen is having an affair with that pretty boy elf, Legolas Greenleaf. Have departed from Rivendell. Can't she see that elf is a player? I heard he had a fling Luthien while Beren was on his quest for the Simarils.  
  
Day 23 Drinking away my sorrows at the Prancing Pony when a whiny hobbit disappeared into thin air. So drunk that I mistook him for a small child and pulled him out of the bar because kids shouldn't be in pubs. They'll take all the good ale and leave you with the cheap wine. Found out that he was carrying a gold ring. Thought that maybe if I gave it to Arwen she might leave that stupid elf prince. Of course me giving her the Ring of Barahir didn't seem to affect anything.  
  
Day 25 Whiny hobbit wouldn't give me the ring, so have decided to take him and his stupid, short friends to Rivendell on an "important journey". Stupid halflings will believe anything.  
  
Day 30 Hobbit that was carrying ring, think his name is Frodo, was stabbed by a wraith. I was overjoyed. I though if he died I could take the ring. Told other hobbit to find kingsfoil to "help slow the poison". Dumb thing fell for it. Just when I found some Miss I'm-Too-Good-For-A-Mortal rode up. Told her what was going on. She decided to take charge and take the hobbit on an extended pony ride to Imladris as she calls it. I don't see how a feminist can be so feminine.  
  
Day 35 Elrond cured whiny halfling and foiled my plans of getting the ring for Arwen. Am extremely upset. Became angrier when I found out Frodo was showing off the ring to Little Miss Two Timer. She is totally falling for him. If that she-elf cares so much about jewelry then why did she give me her necklace?  
  
Day 37 Council held about the fate of the ring today. Those bloody idiots want to destroy it. If I ever want to have a chance at getting my betrothed back I must get that ring. So I swore to "protect" whiny hobbit on his journey. Not to be outdone, pretty boy said he'd come too. So did some old dude, another human, a short dude with really long hair, and the other three hobbits. Apparently I have more competition than I thought.  
  
Day 42 "Fellowship" left today. Nine companions all competing for the love of an elf maiden. Hey this would make a good reality television show.  
  
Day 57 Not going so well. I haven't even gotten to swing my sword around. I like it when I do that. It makes me feel manly. Even more so than my stubble. I hope Arwen thinks so.  
  
Day 63 We are now in the mines of Moria. Before that we were on some snowy mountain. Blonde boy showed off by prancing on top of the snow. My only consolation is that I don't think that the old dude is doing very well.  
  
Day 87 So much happened today. First we wandered into some tomb or something. Then the dwarf started crying. I guess he thinks chicks dig that or something. Then we had a big battle scene. It wasn't fair. Frodo got a glowy blue sword and a death scene. How am I going to get my lover back under these conditions? Oh yeah, old dude fell in a pit or something.  
  
Day 91 Went to Lothlorien. Met Arwen's grandma. She's sorta hot. The only thing is that she can like read my mind. She's really shiny. I wish she wouldn't poke around in my brain. Don't think she appreciates some of the memories I have of Arwen. Boromir claims she tried to seduce him. I think he's just trying to show off.  
  
Day 129 Frodo ran of with the ring. What will I do now? The only good thing that happened today is that I got to swing my sword around kill a lot of Urk- hai. I even got to dekapititate deccappitate cut of one of their heads. I feel so manly. Arwen must be falling for me right now.  
  
Day 134 Have been chasing after two of the whiny hobbits that were captured by the ugly weird colored dudes. I don't know why, I think it is the noble thing to do or something. Running a lot is good for you, at least that is what Pretty Boy Greenleaf said. Not that I trust what he says.  
  
Day 150 Some guys on horses surrounded us earlier. One of them said something fancy and important but I wasn't really paying attention. I think the head horse guy was like related to the king of some country or something.  
  
Day 164 Came to Edoras. Met human chick named Eowyn. At least that is how it is spelled. It sounds like A-O-N. Anyway, she digs me. Maybe we could have something going. She finds me very masculine. She is kinda cute. Stupid Arwen bosses me around. Eowyn will do whatever I say. Hmm. Decisions, decisions.  
  
Day 175 Have decided to stop trying to get the ring. I am going to go show off, I mean help fight at Helms Deep. Eowyn really likes me. I caught her practicing with a sword. I asked her why. If I had said that to Arwen she would have slapped me and called me a chauvinist. Plus, Eowyn is blonde.  
  
Day 204 I fell of a cliff of something when I was swinging my sword around. I fell in the water. I like to swim. It was fun. But then stupid Arwen "came to me in a vision". Can't she see we are so over? I like Eowyn. She's pretty and she likes me. Then I got out of the water and one of the horse dudes horses came to save me. Then I came to the horse dudes fortress thing. Then we had a big battle and the weird looking dudes blew up the wall. I got to swing my sword, so it wasn't a total loss.  
  
Day 273 Lots of stuff has happened since I wrote last. There were lots of battles and stuff. Frodo managed to destroy the Ring. In a battle Eowyn killed the head wraith or something. Then she fell in love with some guy named Faramir. So now I am stuck with Arwen again. I mean, I love Arwen. Must convince self that I love Arwen.  
  
Day 304 Last week, I was made king of Gondor. They made me wear a weird crown. It had wings. Then Arwen came. She didn't even know that I liked Eowyn. So then we had to get married. Oh well, this is what I wanted, wasn't it?  
  
The End 


End file.
